Drunken Shinji
by gunman
Summary: Shinji gets drunk and starts telling it like it is, with interesting results. Slight ShinjiRei.


_**DRUNKEN SHINJI**_

by Gunman13

Disclaimer: I do not own NGE or any of it's characters.

The group of young men and women, actually one male and five females, entered the restaurant/club and sat down to eat.

Of course, these were no ordinary people. These were the defenders of the world. And right now, they wanted to get hammered.

"And why are we doing this again, Misato?" Shinji Ikari asked his guardian, as he gingerly pulled back the chair of the blue-haired, red-eyed, pale-skinned girl.

"Thank you, Ikari-kun." Rei Ayanami said.

"You're welcome." Shinji smiled as she sat down.

"AHEM!" a certain German redhead practically growled.

"I'm coming." Shinji said as he held out the chair for Asuka Langley Sohryu.

"Bout time. Should have done mine first." Asuka grumbled as she sat down.

"I was closer to Rei."

"Excuses, excuses." she waved him off.

Shinji grimaced as he did the same for the other women.

"Thank you, Shinji." Ritsuko Akagi, the chief scientist and fake blond, said.

"Thanks a lot, Mr Ikari." Maya Ibuki, the short-haired computer tech, said.

"Thanks Shinji-kun." Misato Katsuragi, the purple-haired 'goddess', smiled.

Shinji started to smile again as Misato ordered drinks for everyone. She then turned to address the only male at the table.

"To answer your question, Shinji-kun, we're here to celebrate your victories over the Angels." she smiled.

"But...aren't we a little young to be drinking?" Shinji asked, wondering if he had heard the drink order correctly.

"What's wrong, baka? Can't hold your liquor?" Asuka smirked.

"I don't know. I've never drank."

"Living with Misato, I find that hard to believe." Ritsuko said.

"I'll have you know I never let the children drink...until after they've saved the world!" she grinned as the waitress came with a round of drinks.

Yebisu beer mostly. Big surprise.

After about three rounds, in which Shinji had somehow been more thirsty than normal, the young pilot got up and started walking around the table.

His blood-alcohol content is easily at .05.

"Shinji, are you alright?" Maya asked first.

"I'm fine!" he said with semi-slurred speech. "But I've got a few things I want to get off my chest."

"Let's hope its not his shirt." Asuka mumbled as she slowly drank her beverage.

"Misato's seen me naked!"

Misato spit her beer out onto the table, spraying the shocked others.

"I didn't need to know that." Ritsuko said, wiping the beer off her with a napkin.

"She's a lazy drunk, who can't cook, can't drive, and she cheats when we divide up the choirs." he continued.

"Well, I never!" Misato gasped.

"Actually I suspected you cheated." Asuka retorted.

"What?"

"But she's a very beautiful woman who's like a second mother to me." he said as he gave her a lite hug from behind.

Misato was speechless after that.

Shinji walked over to Asuka.

"Asuka's very pretty, and smart too, but she's a real bitch!"

"WHAT!" the redhead shouted with anger.

"Loud too." Maya said, covering her ears.

"I AM NOT A BITCH!" said 'bitch' shouted as people started looking at her.

But Shinji was too drunk to be intimidated. "Yes, you are. You're mean, rude, stubborn, lazy, selfish, you got a thing for scruffy old men, and you are very unhappy."

Everyone could see that Asuka was no doubt ready to throttle the boy.

"Your very lonely too."

Her eyes popped open. "What?"

"You could have lots of friends, if you were a nicer person. You could be. You need to let go of your pain and let people into your heart. People already like you, but your pride is pushing them away."

"He's got a point, Asuka." Misato finally said.

The redhead felt drained and just sat down in her chair as Shinji continued.

"Ritsuko's a dumb blond."

"What?" the doctor cried with shock.

"Ohhhh boy." Misato uttered as she placed her chin in her hands to listen to this one.

"She wants us to use BIG guns against things that have force fields. That's not smart."

"Well..." she tried to defend herself.

"He does have a point." Rei said calmly as she nursed her first drink.

"Hey! Using those guns will work if you neutralize the Angels AT-Field."

"But we have to get close to do that, which means a gun is useless." Shinji countered.

"He's got you there, Ritz." Misato chuckled.

And it was true. Using firearms against the Angels had thus far proven disastrous and ineffective.

"You're lucky you're a hottie." he said, and then stared at her rather closely. She blushed a little. "But why do you dye your hair?"

"What? You...you can tell?" She asked in surprise.

"You dye your hair?" Asuka asked.

"Told you someone would notice." Misato chuckled.

"Since when?" Maya queried.

"Uh..."

"So...you are a brunette?" Rei asked.

Shinji and Misato just grinned widely as the boy pilot continued.

"Maya's very cute, but she needs a man."

"WHAT?" the short-haired technician freaked when she heard that.

"That's for damn sure." Asuka retorted.

"He's right Maya, you do." Misato teased.

"But she won't. She likes women!" Shinji explained.

"WHAT?" the group shouted as the young tech blushed. Rei remained impassive as normal.

"God knows why, she could get any man she wanted."

Maya wasn't sure whether to blush harder or smile at that apparent compliment. "What? But...how did...I never told anyone."

"I've seen you checking our Ritsuko's butt."

The poor girl blushed furiously as the blond scientist looked at her.

"And Misato's too."

Now it was Misato's turn to blush.

"You shouldn't be ashamed. You've got good tastes. You should be proud you found something to live for. You're not hurting anyone. It makes you happy and that's all that matters!" Shinji smiled at her.

The girl smiled back, herself feeling relieved as well that her little secret was out. Hell, she couldn't blame Shinji for that, he was drunk.

"And Rei!"

Everyone looked at Rei, wondering what Shinji would say about her.

"You should smile more, you're a very pretty lady." Shinji exclaimed as he leaned in, kissed Rei on the cheek, then toppled over and hit the floor, along with everyone's jaw.

Half an hour later...

Maya had taken Rei home, and Ritsuko was helping Misato haul Shinji to the major's car. However, an unhelpful German was ranting.

"I don't believe this. He rags on each of us, but when he gets to Wondergirl, he just tells her she needs to smile more! And then he kisses her! I Don't Believe It!" Asuka grumbled from behind the two women who were at the moment trying to place Shinji gently into the blue Renault.

"In case you missed it, he also complimented us. And you're just jealous he didn't kiss you." Misato teased.

"I Am Not!" Asuka quickly shouted back.

"Of course, he was right about all this." Ritsuko said as they reached the car.

"Yes. Everything he said." Misato agreed.

"Even about Maya checking us out?"

"I find it kinda flattering."

"You would. Slut." Asuka remarked.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!" she cried, nearly dropping Shinji.

"I didn't. Shinji did."

"Shinji never said I was a slut. He just said I was a lazy drunk."

"Who can't cook, clean, drive, and cheats at housework." Asuka counted.

"Say's the bitch who won't let people into her heart." Misato said as she climbed into the front seat.

"I AM NOT A BITCH!"

"Then why are you shouting?" Ritsuko smirked.

Asuka decided to shut up and climbed into the passenger side next to Misato.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Late morning, Katsuragi/Ikari/Sohryu apartment...

"So, awake at last." Misato chimed as the boy pilot awoke in his bed.

"Oooooooh, my head." Shinji moaned as he held his head with both hands as he sat up.

"Serves you right, after what you did to us last night." Asuka grumbled.

"I...I did something?"

"Yes, you, did!"

"Do you remember what happened?" Misato asked as she handed him a glass of water with some Alka-Seltzer.

"No." he said as he quickly downed the fizzy liquid.

Misato smirked. "Well...after you got hammered, you jumped onto the table and started dancing, and then you started taking your clothes off. I'll bet you made 50,000 yen that night."

Shinji paled and fainted dead away.

Asuka stared at Misato. "You are so immature."

Misato simply replied by sticking her tongue out at the redhead.

"But at least we know what Shinji really thinks about us." Misato said as the pair left the room.

Suddenly, there was a knock at their front door. Misato goes to open it, as Asuka wouldn't have.

"Hello? Rei? What are you doing here?" the major asked the blue-haired girl.

"I have come to see Shinji-kun." she replied simply.

"He's in his room, working off his alcohol binge."

"I shall wait there. Is that appropriate?" she asked.

"Uh...that's fine, as long as you don't try and take advantage of him." she teased.

"How would I do that?" she asked, tilting her head sideways as she stared at her.

Misato sweat dropped, chuckled, and then pointed towards Shinji's room for Rei.

Rei nodded and walked off as Misato watched. _Girl never did get my jokes_.

Four hours later...

"Rei? What are you doing here?" Shinji asked once he had awoken.

"I have come to spend time with you." Rei said simply.

"Really? Why?"

"You do not remember what you did last night." she asked, recalling the effects of being drunk.

"I have a hang over. I don't really remember anything."

"You do not remember you kissed me?"

That got his attention.

"I Kissed You! Rei...I'm sorry."

"Do not be. I was not offended."

"Did I...do anything else?" he asked, wondering if he had done anything else he should be worried about.

"You said I needed to smile more. You called me a pretty lady. And then you kissed me, right before you passed out."

Shinji looked shocked, more from the fact that he didn't remember doing any of those things.

"I...I'm sorry, Rei. I just don't remember doing any of it. I wish I did."

"That is alright, Shinji-kun. You were physically intoxicated. I am not offended. But you did say and do those things I mentioned."

Shinji sighed, feeling a little better that at least he had been honest. "Well, you are pretty, and you should smile more." he said, blushing up a storm now.

"Only for you, Shinji-kun." she said, placing her hands over his own.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Omake!

"But Sempai, what are we doing here?" Maya Ibuki asked as Ritsuko Akagi dragged her into the clothing store.

"I wanted your professional opinion, Maya." Ritsuko said as she firmly gripped her assistants wrist.

"On what?"

"Well, seeing as how you like checking me out, I thought I'd bring you along to get your opinion on some new clothes while I try them on. And I'm sure you need some as well." she teased.

Maya blushed a little.

"Uh...alright. What kinds of clothes are we going to try on?"

"Bikini's and lingerie."

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Authors Notes:

Alright, come on, be honest, what did you think? I liked doing this one because we rarely see Shinji drunk and totally honest.

And I'm sure you noticed that this was a bit of a Shinji/Rei fic, even as I tried to keep everyone in their own characters.

And lets be honest, its about time someone said something about the pilots futile efforts of using guns against the Angels.

Please Read and Review.


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